Phoenix Rising

And out of the ashes the mystical and mythical Phoenix unfolds its wings and takes to the air, reborn, resurrected, renewed.

Note: Feel free to substitute the word God with whatever word works for you.

Well, 2007 certainly went down in a ball of flames. It seems that 2008 has started off with a renewed sense of hope, fellowship, and spirituality that I knew I was lacking. Wasn't it Mr. Lumpit who said "be careful what you wish for"?...okay, so the credit really goes to Disney, but I like Mr. Lumpit alot more! Several 'wishes' were granted to my family and I on December 17th, 2007. Before I tell you what happened, let me tell you what I felt I was missing in my life. Oh, and one more movie reference. That newest Noah's Ark movie....Evan Almighty, had a scene where the estranged wife is in a diner with the children and ends up speaking with God, Morgan Freeman, posing as a busboy. He explains that when people pray for patience, God gives them the opportunity to be patient. When people pray for strength, God gives them the opportunity to be strong. And so on. Very insightful.

In the summer of '07, my husband had recuperated to the point where he was going out to auctions with me (in his wheelchair) and was doing all the grocery shopping and cooking at home. We were starting to do well with the marketing of our little home based sewing machine repair business, and I was selling quite a few restored antique machines on 'that auction place'. Unfortunately, by fall, our house was being overrun by auction finds, and items that were just being held until the right person or time came along to sell them. In September, my husband started on this kick about moving. He didnt want to spend another winter in that big drafty, crooked house. I didnt want to pack and move all the stuff, so were at a stand still. When the holidays rolled around, we determined that we would have just a small gathering of 10 of us for Thanksgiving dinner (as opposed to the previous years total count of 26!) We had a fabulous time, and it was the last time I was truly joyful that year. I'll never forget the DUCK, but thats another story, mostly one of those corny stories told at every holiday for the next 50 years! I broke my foot and severely sprained my ankle that weekend. I have never felt such pain before, and I gave birth to 4 kids AND broke my back at 16! Anyway, I did not take to the crutches very well and for the first two weeks, managed to fall 10 times just trying to get to the bathroom. Since my husband wasnt walking very well even with his cane, we were quite the pair trying to get drinks and food while the kids were in school! After starving for the first 4 days, we decided that it was a reasonable idea to keep one child a day home from school. I mean, what good would we be to them if they came home and found us dead from malnutrition??!! Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but not too much. Being stuck in a chair for most of the day did nothing for my disposition. I became quite surly and began asking God 'why?' What did I do to deserve this?? Well, as of today, just a little over a month after our ordeal began, I am beginning to see his bigger plan. At least, I like to think there is some kind of plan to all this...

Monday, Dec. 17th, 2007 - 9pm - We ( by we, I mean the kids) had spent all day cleaning their rooms, the kitchen, and the living room. My oldest (17yo daughter) had just put the second load of laundry into the dryer, and my hubby was done messing around with the newest load of sewing machines and vaccuum cleaners we picked up. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flashing yellow light coming through the laundry room window. He asked the oldest of our 11yo twin boys to go see what it was. Suddenly, the son was screaming with his arms waving wildly above his head "FIRE" over and over. Somehow, I managed to be the first to the laundry room, crutches and all. I tossed the crutches and crawled across the floor to the dryer. There was a flame to the left and behind the dryer - right where the plug was. The flame was less than a foot tall. I asked for water, got the dryer shut off, and realized that the plug itself was arcing. I never had the chance to put water on it, not that it would have made a difference. My husband who was right behind me started pushing children out of the room telling them to get in the van. We all exited the room as the curtains went up. By the time I hit the hallway, the fiber board ceiling was on fire and the flames were traveling over my head across the ceiling. My youngest child tried to go out the back door, but when she opened the door, the portico (located exactly outside the laundry room) was also on fire. Apparently the fire traveled through the electric lines without ever blowing the breaker box....all confiscated by the insurance companies investigator. Hubby got our youngest, a 9 yo daughter, to just put her head down and run right past the burning laundry room and into his arms. I have never been so proud of her. As we got to the living room, hubby started barking out orders: Kiki, get the cell phones, call 911. Boys, get the coats and get in the van. Gabby get your shoes, get in the van. He looked at me, I looked at him. I heard the oldest on the phone, but in her confusion, she had used the house phone. Being that we collected the oddest vintage and antique items, the phone was a corded phone. Thankfully, we had switched it out from the rotary dial black one, to a tan push button! Being a good mom, I wouldnt leave before her, and being a good dad, hubby wouldnt either. I saw my shoe (the only one I could put on with my other foot broken) lying in the middle of the floor and stopped to put it on. The youngest couldnt find her shoes, so the oldest took hers off and threw them at her while telling the 911 operator that the 'f-ing house is on fire, I cannnot wait for you'. The three youngest went out the door. The oldest child slammed the phone down on the cradle (quite humorous considering its condition the next day) and started towards the door. My husband went first, I thought my oldest was right behind me, but it took her a couple seconds longer than it should have, but suddenly as I made it through the first set of doors onto the enclosed front porch, she was there. At that point, the front door to the porch flew open and my husband just stopped in his tracks. I later found out that he was prevented from moving by our chocolate lab who had just busted the steel door in. It took a couple of seconds to convince the dog to turn around and go back out. He was trained to be a wheelchair dog and so he felt it his job to make sure his person was safe. By this time, the whooosh of air from the front door, and the whooosh of air from the still open back door gave the fire everything it needed to spread quickly. It is about 15 feet from the first front door to the exit front door, and the entire porch was filled with thick black smoke. I pushed my daughter ahead of me (behind hubby) and we hobbled as fast as we could towards the fresh air. I remember seeing our 2 kittens on the porch with us, but there was no way I could grab them and use my crutches, so I hoped they would follow us out. When I got to the door, I couldnt breathe and I could barely see. The wheelchair ramp looked pretty slickery, so instead of trying to slowly crutch down it, I just threw my crutches and slid down on my knees. I crawled into the passenger side of the van, and started to count. Hubby. Baby. Twins. Kiki. WHAT?!? DOGS!!!!! The boys had ran past the flaming portico and retrieved the dog that was tied up outside for his potty break! My oldest was sitting on the floor between the two front seats crying and rocking. She looked up at me and said, 'I got Oscar, but couldnt find the kittens". That was what took her so long to follow me. Oscar is an orange tabby who had only been with us for a year. He hates change! She had seen him hiding under the dining room table and dove under there after him. Thankfully, we are in the very bad habit of never removing our keys from the ignition. Hubby started the van and very haphazardly backed us across the yard so we could look at the house and take stock. What we saw, just 10 minutes after we first noticed the flames, was disheartening. I knew in that moment that absolutely NOTHING in this world was as important as having every one of my children safely with me outside of that inferno.

Saturday, January 26th, 2008 1:11 am - We have been in our 'new' rental house for 12 days. There is literally no yard, but the landlord was happy to let us keep the animals anyway. Of course, we just wouldnt have rented otherwise. We've never caught the kittens, but have seen them occassionally when we go visit the remains of our house (also a rental). Looking back, and at the risk of sounding crass, if your house is going to catch fire, the week before Christmas is the best time. The community has been exceptionally caring, as have our family and friends. But I digress. I really want to tell you about the phoenix. See, as I sat in the van with my family that night watching 6 fire departments (the farthest from 20 miles away) fight a losing battle with that hundred year old tinderbox, I never once doubted that everything would turn out okay. Our neighbors brought us blankets, and shoes, and coats, and drinks. Some of our family and friends came to see if they could do anything, even just to hold our hands. Through it all, I just kept saying that I had everything I needed. I held each child as they mourned their newest realization of a loss: a favourite game, book, toy, stuffed animal. I smiled, and cried once, and smiled some more. I felt peaceful and strangely enough, joyful. My husband and I joked about getting to move without having to move anything. He even said that maybe the black cloud that has seemed to hang over us would leave now. I told him it better, or we were getting a divorce. We laughed. Over the past weeks (only 5?!?) we all remember something we lost. I cried twice for only a couple of minutes. The first time was after two weeks and I had finally gotten back on the internet and was looking at antique sewing machines on ebay. I missed my machines, so simple and sturdy and good. The second was toward the end of the third week. Every day my husband went out to the house to see if there was anything he could salvage. This day, he called me in tears himself to tell me that there wouldnt be anything useable left of my machines. He could gather the heads for me to use for parts (only possible, not probable) but the cabinets and attachments and doo dads, and miscellany were worthless. I now have a pile of burnt up indistinguishable machine heads sitting in my garage awaiting the day when I will get up the courage to start cleaning and disassembling them. I think that will have to be a school day. The kids shouldnt see me upset.

My favorite prayer has always been GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. I think I'm good on that one. My next prayer will be, GOD, EVERYTHING IS AS IT SHOULD BE. THANK YOU. No sense in asking for any more opportunities! We have found a church that seems like a good fit, they really practice what they are preaching...service. That is where I had felt the greatest need in my before the fire life. The need to do for others. Now, I think I have a place to grow in that area.

Everyone in the family (except me) is still having nightmares. Not about the fire exactly, but more about their newly discovered fears. I dont think the younger three had ever faced the possibility of losing someone in the family, and so now they are coming to me with these fears. The youngest is manifesting all her fear in the loss of the kittens. They are alive, but not living with us, so it feels the same to her. Thankfully, the school counselors and teachers are on top of things they are each meeting with someone weekly. It seems that since they have each admitted the nightmares to me, that the occurrences are diminishing. Talking helps.

We have gotten the first round of Thank You letters written and in their envelopes. Next week, we'll work on the rest. It is not enough to have learned to receive instead of give, we must also express our gratitude to those who so kindly went out of their way to give us a fresh start.

Myself, I hope that as the weeks turn into months, and the months turn into years, I can continue to look back and be glad for the abrupt change which has been wrought on our lives. The most poignant words I spoke after leaving the fire were to my husband as we lay in separate twins beds at my mother in law's house : We must have been really deaf, for God to have to do something so spectacular to get our attention. Well, so far, I have not forgotten to listen, and I hope I never do again.

And from the ashes, the Phoenix rose and took flight rising higher and higher to greet the new day.